I've been having these thoughts weigh on my mind and I wasn't too certain how I should get them out... Everytime I dwell on them, I feel an emptiness, one unlike any I've experienced.

Pardon me while I speak a little overdramatically, but it feels like something akin to someone dying. Slowly fading out of existence, never hearing their voice or seeing them again. You could talk to them but there's no response. And without saying goodbye, there's this thin layer of dirt covering a deep wound left in the ground.

A void, if you will.

Without this closure I'm starting to doubt the validity of the experience. I can't say all of this because I hardly knew you. So let me indulge myself as I write these words.

It's my secret pity party, because let's be real: no one's reading this, except for maybe one person.

/////

In less than two months one of my best friends will be moving a few states over. I'm fairly terrified because she's one of the first new friends I made whenever I moved out here. It only took three years. And she's been such an integral part of my life for the last six years. I'm so incredibly happy for her, she discounts herself all the time, so sometimes I wish she'd look in the mirror and recognize that everything she has accomplished is so amazing and wonderful and 100% her own doing. Without her, my life seriously be entirely different right now. I wouldn't have an associate's degree, I wouldn't be working on my Bachelor's degree, I simply would not be the person I am today had she not become a part of my life. I'm going to cry when she leaves. I know this goodbye will not be forever--- our friendship is such an incredibly strong bond.

Sorry for rambling so much.

I've been working on some new material for some old material. I can't get Viktor's Girls out of my head, so I've been working on some artwork in order to spark some new life into the project and I intend on writing more for it. Their stories are not finished-- and I'm looking forward to the journey they take me on (and yes, I'm speaking as if the girls are real)!

Writing this is a little bit harder than usually because some of the fingers on my right hand are bruised, my index, middle, and ring. And also the tips are cold to the touch, I am wearing a long sleeved shirt. And in the cold of the room, the night wrapped around us, the ceiling fan humming, and no blankets to keep us warm, except for your hand. Through a strained voice I told you...all the things I kept locked away, except for when I sifted through them, finding happier times, but now they are all laced with the bad thoughts from the now. And then you shared with me. Our stories were...almost the same. I think that's what made you sad and happy the most, because you found that you were not alone after all.

[Welcome to The Vault. I'll occasionally tag posts with this label to denote drafts that were originally written some time ago but never published. I won't be editing these posts beyond minor proofreading because I'd like to maintain the integrity of the original content. It's likely I won't recall exactly why I wrote something. I know of the date however I can't simply push forward the post from draft to published because it will place it at the date it was originally written, and no one would know I've published "new" content. I hope you enjoy.]

Labels: The Vault